Silence – never silent

Silence. Merely a state of missing sounds. Any kind of sound. But have you ever found yourself completely wrapped up by silence? Like now, before started typing these words on my computer, before I started punching these keys I felt an undisturbed silence around me but it wasn’t really so as I felt. I could listen to the music someone’s playing from a nearby apartment. The song playing out there familiar but I couldn’t recognize completely yet I hummed the music unknowingly I found myself. I still can hear the honks of vehicles from the highway closed to my dwelling.

It’s almost 2 A. M. and I am as usual awake like all the time when the whole world is seemingly asleep. [ah] No, someone was talking outside when passing by down the road right beside my building. That’s both good and bad thing about living a city life. You can never be alone entirely. Yet you feel lonely always if there is no one to listen to you what you have to say that doesn’t suit the everyday life conversations.

Let’s just forget about these usual common sounds those interrupt the peaceful yet annoying silence around. What about you if I ask? What about the thoughts screaming and chattering all the time inside your head? Do they really let you feel alone and feel the silence? Don’t you think they are loud enough to break the soundlessness around you?

Apart from all the vaguely coming noises from the outside, inside my head, I can still hear a voice constantly talking to me. A voice that once used to give me hope for a life, for a light now gone yet chatters inside my head constantly.

Then, comes this inner voice of mine that keeps knocking me to move on and get over all the depressing, heart-shattering feelings that locked me in a dungeon of a ruined dark palace.

I can listen to my mother’s voice inside my head often. Sometimes my sister and brother, their chattering too. And I do not know how to turn off all those sounds that keep playing inside my head nonstop. I think when we are very lonely, and we crave, we die to have company so that we can talk to, we are not utterly alone. Inside our head, there is always a voice, two or maybe countless voices stay awake and keep talking to us yet without knowing we seek physical presence or a visual contact so that we can rely upon.

An entry from my journal.

KaziMustakim_All Rights Reserved © 2017

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I exist and alive and now awakened . . .

Scream

Yet more a terrible journey and I waded far far away
The mind is in complete disarray; encroaching into a very mid-day.
I exist and alive; and now awakened but a weary sigh heaved
through nostrils toward my – Self; my being cleaved.
Etched on my mind the very illustration of my entangled past
enraged me whilst I watch memories buried underneath years of  dust.
Vivid-ness of a bright sun curtains my spectrum, my senses disavowed,
Away back somewhere a mystery may have unfolded and a ship wreck foreshadowed.
Be-wilderness devour my conscious yet I fly in tiresome direction
Over the beechen green of a nameless woodland, or may it my only fraction;
Wings spread out journey on such weary feathers anesthetizing momentum,
Up in the sky and beneath the sea, there betwixt lie bits of me undisturbed inside a sanctum.
The timeline past pulverized, only me and this very moment now left
standing at this edge, await to slog myself out of this mountain cleft.

© copyright protected 2013

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Might have to come back in another form

Eventually – succeeded to reach
the Edge of this game preserve,
Eleventh hour – few breaths left;
Game of life played here
For long enough – years after years
Past – cannot be seen now,
They may lost in another dimension
or time made them faded.
Look I am not blind yet.
What I see (!) … what I found (!)
Them! Their bones kissing the ground.
Be quiet. Listen. They whisper
They live here – everywhere – in the air,
Heard the refusal in their voice – time now
Obstinate souls – they are here.
Sitting amidst their dust of bones
Filling empty spaces of my diary pages,
with failing sight, shaking hands
Under observation of thousands immortal gazes.
Time – its time, it’s time to let go
Time to join the army of shadows
But why this thirst- unquenchable thirst
Thirst inside my heart, inside my soul
Might have to come back in another ~ form.

© copyright protected 2012

Thoughts

Pen

Counting each and every second,
Seeking for the perfection
In between.
Such queries – obsolete
Moments within –
I – the person lost beyond time
Such place to fit in- isolated
A lone spring
Wintery destruction
Amidst the shadows
Nights- writing cold, hopeless words
Do I belong to the poets of the fall(?)

© copyright protected 2012