Silence. Merely a state of missing sounds. Any kind of sound. But have you ever found yourself completely wrapped up by silence? Like now, before started typing these words on my computer, before I started punching these keys I felt an undisturbed silence around me but it wasn’t really so as I felt. I could listen to the music someone’s playing from a nearby apartment. The song playing out there familiar but I couldn’t recognize completely yet I hummed the music unknowingly I found myself. I still can hear the honks of vehicles from the highway closed to my dwelling.
It’s almost 2 A. M. and I am as usual awake like all the time when the whole world is seemingly asleep. [ah] No, someone was talking outside when passing by down the road right beside my building. That’s both good and bad thing about living a city life. You can never be alone entirely. Yet you feel lonely always if there is no one to listen to you what you have to say that doesn’t suit the everyday life conversations.
Let’s just forget about these usual common sounds those interrupt the peaceful yet annoying silence around. What about you if I ask? What about the thoughts screaming and chattering all the time inside your head? Do they really let you feel alone and feel the silence? Don’t you think they are loud enough to break the soundlessness around you?
Apart from all the vaguely coming noises from the outside, inside my head, I can still hear a voice constantly talking to me. A voice that once used to give me hope for a life, for a light now gone yet chatters inside my head constantly.
Then, comes this inner voice of mine that keeps knocking me to move on and get over all the depressing, heart-shattering feelings that locked me in a dungeon of a ruined dark palace.
I can listen to my mother’s voice inside my head often. Sometimes my sister and brother, their chattering too. And I do not know how to turn off all those sounds that keep playing inside my head nonstop. I think when we are very lonely, and we crave, we die to have company so that we can talk to, we are not utterly alone. Inside our head, there is always a voice, two or maybe countless voices stay awake and keep talking to us yet without knowing we seek physical presence or a visual contact so that we can rely upon.
An entry from my journal.
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